I’ve mentioned before how I was seeing a psychologist again in order to get a diagnosis for autism and because I often share how my mind works when doing stuff like calculations and memorizing, I thought giving you guys some insight as to how my mind works in other situations like conversations, reading and analyzing could be interesting for you as well.
So today I had to do some tests that can indicate a diagnosis for autism. 3 tests specifically. The first test was about short stories. I was told 9 different stories and with each story I had to answer a few questions afterwards. I remember 6 of the 9 stories but I don’t think I should share them as they are part of an official test. Anyway, I got asked questions like:“Did anyone say anything that was inappropiate or should not have been said” and “why do you think they said that” Etc.
I immediately knew I was in for some trouble. Not only do I take things literally, I also read literally and I often cannot decide anything without 100% certainty. I sometimes answered a few question with “I have no idea because nothing in the story indicates that, I need more information, I can’t decide yet” or “That is impossible to know because I need to know this in order to answer that but the story doesn’t say anything about that”. Questions about the motive of a person for saying certain things were the hardest to answer because I couldn’t picture a situation like those with me in it and I don’t know how or what others think, people are hard to predict singularly. With one story, I read the whole story different because I took it in another way and the way I read it still made sense and was correct but it probably wasn’t the way I should’ve read it but I had no idea. I had to change all my answers again with that one.
Test 2 was about pictures. I had to look at some pictures and answer a few questions about the pictures and this one was tough, very tough. All pictures had people in it and I had to say what I thought was going on or going on beforehand or what would happen after and for the life of me I could not answer almost anything. I could often come up with what it all could be but it was impossible for me to know what it really is and I cannot guess then. I felt like that computer programm who couldn’t figure out tetris and instead of losing or trying to win the game it just paused the game… forever. That’s what was going on in my mind, I could not decide something because that would be assuming and I cannot assume, it’s incredibly difficult for me because I don’t have a “gut feeling” for most things like other people, I actually need data in order to do things like making decisions. This makes giving an opinion very difficult on things where the answer doesn’t really matter like what my favourite food is or how I felt today or this week or what is going on in some pictures.
The final test was just a pain in the ass. I had to complete sentences but the sentences were so random. I already said that I need information in order to decide things or come up with things but this was just ridiculous. I had such a hard time figuring out what I should write because I had nothing that indicates what the sentence was about or should be about. Well, I just got lost. With some sentences I couldn’t come up with anything to write. Imagine ordering a computer to finish a sentence and you give the computer one word or two words. The computer would see so many possibilities and without a guide or indication which one would be correct or appropriate, it would just keep on searching for possible ways to end the sentence or select a random one which would give you nothing to work with since it is just random. My mind was like that when I did this test. Sometimes I could use my own experience and complete a few sentence that way but everything else was just guess work with a lot of struggle.
I think the fact that I was struggling so hard with these tests, must indicate that something is up. I felt like going crazy sometimes, especially with the third test because the second test had worn me out a lot. These tests took the whole afternoon and if I had to complete all the 80 sentences in the third test, probably much longer. Can anyone relate to any of this?
I Hope you enjoyed reading my brain crashes and errors during these tests today, let me know what you think